"But, but...Seth promised!!!", were my thoughts as I read this article.
On Sunday night's Academy Awards (or Oscars for the newfound lazy) host, Seth McFarlene, made a reference that Amy Pohler and Tina Fey would be hosting next year's show. This was great, and highly anticipated considering the amazing job both comediennes did while hosting this years Golden Globes. It seemed like there was no doubt the duo would make an appearance next year, but according to The Huffington Post, Tina Fey has turned down the offer. She said it would be "too hard", especially for a woman who would probably have to "spend months trying on dresses" alone.
Although, I was a bit upset to hear that one of my favorite comedy writers would not host the biggest awards event of the year, I can't blame her for backing out. Those urchins at the E! network would probably tear her apart over stupid shit like her dress and hair (men have it so easy: tux and hair = done). While everyone loved the Globes and Fey and Pohler were excellent and hilarious hosts, the event seemed more relaxed and friendly than the Oscars. The Oscars is a huge event and I can imagine the pressure of not wanting to screw it up. No matter what, there will always be a critic. Personally, I think Tina Fey could pull it off, along with her BFF Amy. Heck, at least we all know they would be better than that Anne Hathaway/James Franco thing (seriously, freaking James Franco?), but it's her choice. No need to put yourself through unnecessary stress just for publicity and face time.
I guess Billy Crystal will do...
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
What We Really Want from the PS4
Last week, Sony announced the the new PlayStation 4... Correction: Last week, Sony showed us what the controller for the new PS4 would look like.
Beyond that, they talked a lot about other specs the new console would have and even showed off a few new upcoming games. This was all nice and cute, but here's what we really want to see by the end of the year:
Backwards compatibility:
Even the PlayStation 2 had backwards compatibility (meaning you could play old-ass first generation games like Parappa the Rapper). When the PS3 came out, you couldn't even play most of your old PS2 games. Sure, you can pull out your old consoles, re-hook them up to your TV and play old games, but why the hell would anyone want to do that? That takes work. Besides, isn't being non-compatible with older games kind of pretentious?
"What, PS4? You think you're better than me?" --voice of old PS games, presumably in a Brooklyn accent.
Please just include two controllers in the box:
The one thing I hate about getting a new gaming console is that as soon as you have spent your entire paycheck on the system, you know you have to go out and spend another half of your check. I can deal with buying games. That's just a part of the life of being a gamer (hell, you don't even have to buy games now that rental stores and friends are a thing). What upsets me is the fact that only one controller comes with the console, so you better treasure it, because if you're poor you won't be getting another one for at least five years (Note: Real Sony PS3 controllers cost almost $45 each. Cheaper, non-Sony ones you can get overseas for around $15).
Think about it: When do people most often receive new gaming consoles? Around their birthdays or the December holiday's right? Chances are that your friends and/or family are around to watch your excitement as you unwrap your new gift. Within the next 30 minutes or so, you'll probably want to play with your new system...but there's only one controller. Of course it's your new toy so you have to be the first one to play it, so now what? Everyone sits around watching you die over and over again in Uncharted. Now I understand that adding a second controller already in the box would raise the overall price, and that a lot of people play primarily single-player games. However, adding a second controller makes sense for consoles like the Nintendo Wii (entertaining at a house party near you!), and since Sony made the announcement that the PS4 will be more "social", you'd think they would want to have two controllers in the box.
"Yeah, social... Like online gaming and creeping on other users' profiles." --voice of the Sony dude.
An app for ordering pizza:
Game night. Everyones' drunk. We're playing Katamari Damacy. We can't find the phone. We're hungry. But we can't cook.
Dear Sony; kindly replace that "share" button with a "bring meh pizzah NOW!" button. You see, it's simple-- while configuring your PlayStation, there will be an option for quick pizza delivery from your vendor of choice (Sony will have to set up some kind of partnership with these companies, but that's another story). You would choose your default type of pizza to order, enter your address and credit information, and then every time you press that "bmpN!" button, it will delivered to you.
"No refunds if you accidentally press the button while intoxicated" --voice of fine print in instruction manual.
A webcam:
Every other electronic ever has a built in camera, so why the hell not? Hey, it spares them the embarrassment of coming out with a new gadget possibly titled, "PlayStation M4ve", or some stupid crap like that...
"Social!" --voice of the Sony dude, again.
A promise to never make a "slim" version of this console:
We never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER want to see a PS4 Slim. Ever.
"...ever!" --voice of me.
It has a touch pad because 21ST CENTURY!
Beyond that, they talked a lot about other specs the new console would have and even showed off a few new upcoming games. This was all nice and cute, but here's what we really want to see by the end of the year:
Backwards compatibility:
Even the PlayStation 2 had backwards compatibility (meaning you could play old-ass first generation games like Parappa the Rapper). When the PS3 came out, you couldn't even play most of your old PS2 games. Sure, you can pull out your old consoles, re-hook them up to your TV and play old games, but why the hell would anyone want to do that? That takes work. Besides, isn't being non-compatible with older games kind of pretentious?
"What, PS4? You think you're better than me?" --voice of old PS games, presumably in a Brooklyn accent.
Please just include two controllers in the box:
The one thing I hate about getting a new gaming console is that as soon as you have spent your entire paycheck on the system, you know you have to go out and spend another half of your check. I can deal with buying games. That's just a part of the life of being a gamer (hell, you don't even have to buy games now that rental stores and friends are a thing). What upsets me is the fact that only one controller comes with the console, so you better treasure it, because if you're poor you won't be getting another one for at least five years (Note: Real Sony PS3 controllers cost almost $45 each. Cheaper, non-Sony ones you can get overseas for around $15).
Think about it: When do people most often receive new gaming consoles? Around their birthdays or the December holiday's right? Chances are that your friends and/or family are around to watch your excitement as you unwrap your new gift. Within the next 30 minutes or so, you'll probably want to play with your new system...but there's only one controller. Of course it's your new toy so you have to be the first one to play it, so now what? Everyone sits around watching you die over and over again in Uncharted. Now I understand that adding a second controller already in the box would raise the overall price, and that a lot of people play primarily single-player games. However, adding a second controller makes sense for consoles like the Nintendo Wii (entertaining at a house party near you!), and since Sony made the announcement that the PS4 will be more "social", you'd think they would want to have two controllers in the box.
"Yeah, social... Like online gaming and creeping on other users' profiles." --voice of the Sony dude.
An app for ordering pizza:
Game night. Everyones' drunk. We're playing Katamari Damacy. We can't find the phone. We're hungry. But we can't cook.
Dear Sony; kindly replace that "share" button with a "bring meh pizzah NOW!" button. You see, it's simple-- while configuring your PlayStation, there will be an option for quick pizza delivery from your vendor of choice (Sony will have to set up some kind of partnership with these companies, but that's another story). You would choose your default type of pizza to order, enter your address and credit information, and then every time you press that "bmpN!" button, it will delivered to you.
"No refunds if you accidentally press the button while intoxicated" --voice of fine print in instruction manual.
A webcam:
Every other electronic ever has a built in camera, so why the hell not? Hey, it spares them the embarrassment of coming out with a new gadget possibly titled, "PlayStation M4ve", or some stupid crap like that...
"Social!" --voice of the Sony dude, again.
A promise to never make a "slim" version of this console:
We never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER want to see a PS4 Slim. Ever.
"...ever!" --voice of me.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Mississippi: The 3rd Cousin State
Mississippi officially ratifies amendment abolishing slavery — finally
We should really cut ties with Mississippi...
They're like that 3rd cousin who's been in and out of prison and rehab for a couple of years now, but swears he's "gonna get right soon" like every week. And we keep having to apologizing to other countries for Miss's behavior. Like-- "I know this is what you see frequently, but really, we're not all like Mississippi..."
We should really cut ties with Mississippi...
They're like that 3rd cousin who's been in and out of prison and rehab for a couple of years now, but swears he's "gonna get right soon" like every week. And we keep having to apologizing to other countries for Miss's behavior. Like-- "I know this is what you see frequently, but really, we're not all like Mississippi..."
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Awesome Picture of the Week: "I got bored one day"
This picture of my iPhone is awesome simply because I drew it. On MS Paint. With a mouse. At work.
Boss.
Mind you it was during the first couple of weeks of my new job, and I had a lot of free time back then.. a lot of free time.
Friday, February 15, 2013
My Quarter-life Crisis (more or less)
There are a few things I could currently be doing with my life right now, and I have no idea which direction to go...
- Stay at my current company, become fluent in Japanese, and work my way up to top management (eventually becoming the president of Mitsubishi).
- Earn my Masters in psychology and work somewhere doing something.
- Earn my Masters/PsyD in forensic psychology, so I can be like that guy on Law and Order: SVU.
- Earn my Masters/PsyD in industrial/organizational psychology, so I can be like that guy on Bones.
- Earn my PhD in psychology, so I can become a professor and teach a classroom of 18 year-olds who only take my class because I'm so pretty...
- Become a Chicago Luvabull and sacrifice all respectable dance training.
- Audition for Cirque du Soleil as a dancer and realize I won't make it because there are 9 year-olds who dance better than me...
- Become a freelance writer, working on my non-profit blog; simultaneously work on getting my book published.
- Aspire to become a writer for SNL, eventually leading me to start working on my hit new show on NBC.
- Be a lead singer for a non-specific alternative rock band.
- Play video games for the rest of my life, never leaving my room. I wouldn't even buy the new PS4 because I can't couldn't afford it.
- Marry a surgeon. Preferably a Jewish one.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
15 Most Romantic Songs for Anyone
It's Valentine's Day, lovers! Well, at least it was like an hour ago...
Anyway, I don't have a Valentine...
Let's face it - 90% of the songs we hear today are about love (if not love, then sex). It can become quite annoying to hear especially if you're listening to a pop radio station. However, there are some songs out there that I have to admit are well written. Not only are the lyrics good, but the actual music doesn't make you want to rip your eardrums out (don't think about how that could be physically possible). Here's a list I tossed together (emphasis on "tossed") featuring some of the best romantic songs to listen to, even if you're not a hopeless romantic.
My apologies for not including links or embedding YouTube clips. I am a lazy bastard tonight.
"Sweater Weather" by The Neighborhood
This song is fairly new, and that is part of the reason why it is at the top of this list. Regardless, it is still a very catchy and cool song. I love the hook and the tempo change near the end. When I hear this song, I just think about two people who are happy just to stand next to each other with their hands in each others' sweaters...or something like that.
Favorite lyric: "She know knows what I think about; And what I think about; One love, two mouths; One love, one house; No shirt, no blouse; Just us, you find out; Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about no."
"I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons
This song is pretty popular. Mumford and Sons album, Babel just won a Grammy, and this song is on that album. It's not that complicated of a song, it's about waiting for the one you love.
Favorite lyric: "So I'll be bold as well as strong; And use my head alongside my heart."
"My Heart Will Go On" and "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion
It's the freaking song from Titanic, one of the most classic love stories of all time!
Favorite lyric: "Youuuuur heeeeeeerrreeee; There's NOTHING I feeeaaar; And I know that my heart will go ooooooon."
"My Girl" by The Temptations
I just finished watching the movie My Girl, and after wiping the tears out of my eyes said to myself, "Yes. This song is gold." It's about admiring that special girl who makes you feel great even during the worst times. It's a really sweet song, and I dare anyone to disapprove of it.
Favorite lyric: "I guess you say; 'What can make me feel this way?'; My girl (my girl, my girl!)."
Most songs by The Beatles
The Beatles are so known for writing love songs that they have an entire Cirque du Soleil show based on their songs and titled, Love. There are too many songs by them to list, but I will say that some of my absolute favorites are "I Want You (She's So Heavy)", "Something", "Please Please Me", and "Don't Let Me Down". That last one is a song that could literally make me cry because I think the lyrics are so simple, yet honest.
"Mario Kart Love Song" by Sam Hart
This guy on YouTube made a love song based on the concept of Mario Kart...and it's pretty awesome that he did that. I love him for it.
Favorite lyric: "Walawalawalawalwalugi...."
"Ho Hey" by The Lumineers
This song is also pretty popular, also because of the band's recent Grammy nomination for Best New Artist. It's a simple and short song, but it is one of those honest songs about two people belonging together. Despite the fact that I consider this a "mainstream hipster" song (I'll explain later, I promise), I do find this song interesting.
Favorite lyric: "Ho Hey" (obvious enough)
"Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon
You probably don't realize it because this song has been used in many sports promos, but this is a love song.
Okay, it's not really actually a love song, but it could be interpreted that way. He could be singing about how he could use a great person to improve his life, or how he hopes this great person will notice him. Hey, it's not much of a stretch!
Favorite lyric: "'Go and let it out."
"Starlight" and "Madness" by Muse
I couldn't just pick one song by Muse, so I'm mentioning them both. "Starlight" is a very cool song that's simply about loving someone. "Madness" is also about love, but a crazy type of love in which two individuals appear to go through some crazy sh*t, but all their madness is worth it. This song reminded me of a current situation with one of my friends and their partner, so I had to add it.
Favorite "Starlight" lyric: "Our hopes and expectations; Black holes and revelations."
Favorite "Madness" lyric: "And I have finally realized; I NEED TO LOOOOOOOOVEEEE."
Absolute love for the vocals in both these songs, also.
"El Scorcho" by Weezer
This is one of those funny-cute songs by Weezer, and I wouldn't expect anything less. It resonates with me because it seems like a song about an awkward crush. The guy is kind of afraid of talking to this girl, even though he knows she'll probably like him anyway because they are both alike.
Favorite lyric: "I asked you to go to the Green Day concert; You said you never heard of them; How cool is that?!"
"Thank You" by Dido
I like this song because after singing about having a craptastic day, Dido sings about getting a phone call from her lover, and all her problems instantly disappear. Why can't I find a guy who has that effect on me?!
Favorite lyric: "Just to be with you is having the best day of my life."
"Closer" by Tegan and Sara
This song is also new (I listen to the radio a lot). Even though Tegan and Sara have been around for a while, they still managed to release a fresh new album, and their sound is fantastic. It's poppy, but not too sugary or electro-heavy. It still has that alternative vibe, which I like. This song is about having a physical attraction toward a person, but recognizing that there's more in the relationship than just the naughty bits.
Favorite lyric: "I won't treat you like you're oh so typical."
"Echoes" by Pink Floyd
If it weren't for my weird/awkward/what-the-hell-was-that relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I would have never started listening to Pink Floyd on my own. I ended up coming across this song one day, and I found that I liked the sound of it. However, since it is a 25 minute song, it could only hold my attention for so long. So I usually only listen to the first 6 minutes...
Favorite lyric: "Strangers passing in the street by chance two separate glances meet; And I am you and what I see is me."
This song apparently has the same chord progression as Andrew Llyod Webber's "Phantom of the Opera", so that's a nice plus...I guess.
"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane
This one would also be on the list of songs that make me cry on command. There are these few piano chords that are in the middle and very end of the song that strike the "eject tears" button on my heart. It's a well performed and well written song about relying on that special someone and going to a place (either physical or metaphorical) that only you and your significant other understand and know of.
Favorite lyric: "Oh simple thing where have you gone?; I'm getting old and I need something to rely on."
"Everlong" by Foo Fighters
The acoustic version of this song will play during the first dance of my groom and I at our wedding. This is a non-negotiable order. I truly love this song and I really don't think I will ever stop loving it.
Anyway, I don't have a Valentine...
Let's face it - 90% of the songs we hear today are about love (if not love, then sex). It can become quite annoying to hear especially if you're listening to a pop radio station. However, there are some songs out there that I have to admit are well written. Not only are the lyrics good, but the actual music doesn't make you want to rip your eardrums out (don't think about how that could be physically possible). Here's a list I tossed together (emphasis on "tossed") featuring some of the best romantic songs to listen to, even if you're not a hopeless romantic.
My apologies for not including links or embedding YouTube clips. I am a lazy bastard tonight.
"Sweater Weather" by The Neighborhood
This song is fairly new, and that is part of the reason why it is at the top of this list. Regardless, it is still a very catchy and cool song. I love the hook and the tempo change near the end. When I hear this song, I just think about two people who are happy just to stand next to each other with their hands in each others' sweaters...or something like that.
Favorite lyric: "She know knows what I think about; And what I think about; One love, two mouths; One love, one house; No shirt, no blouse; Just us, you find out; Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about no."
"I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons
This song is pretty popular. Mumford and Sons album, Babel just won a Grammy, and this song is on that album. It's not that complicated of a song, it's about waiting for the one you love.
Favorite lyric: "So I'll be bold as well as strong; And use my head alongside my heart."
"My Heart Will Go On" and "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion
It's the freaking song from Titanic, one of the most classic love stories of all time!
Favorite lyric: "Youuuuur heeeeeeerrreeee; There's NOTHING I feeeaaar; And I know that my heart will go ooooooon."
"My Girl" by The Temptations
I just finished watching the movie My Girl, and after wiping the tears out of my eyes said to myself, "Yes. This song is gold." It's about admiring that special girl who makes you feel great even during the worst times. It's a really sweet song, and I dare anyone to disapprove of it.
Favorite lyric: "I guess you say; 'What can make me feel this way?'; My girl (my girl, my girl!)."
Most songs by The Beatles
The Beatles are so known for writing love songs that they have an entire Cirque du Soleil show based on their songs and titled, Love. There are too many songs by them to list, but I will say that some of my absolute favorites are "I Want You (She's So Heavy)", "Something", "Please Please Me", and "Don't Let Me Down". That last one is a song that could literally make me cry because I think the lyrics are so simple, yet honest.
"Mario Kart Love Song" by Sam Hart
This guy on YouTube made a love song based on the concept of Mario Kart...and it's pretty awesome that he did that. I love him for it.
Favorite lyric: "Walawalawalawalwalugi...."
"Ho Hey" by The Lumineers
This song is also pretty popular, also because of the band's recent Grammy nomination for Best New Artist. It's a simple and short song, but it is one of those honest songs about two people belonging together. Despite the fact that I consider this a "mainstream hipster" song (I'll explain later, I promise), I do find this song interesting.
Favorite lyric: "Ho Hey" (obvious enough)
"Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon
You probably don't realize it because this song has been used in many sports promos, but this is a love song.
Okay, it's not really actually a love song, but it could be interpreted that way. He could be singing about how he could use a great person to improve his life, or how he hopes this great person will notice him. Hey, it's not much of a stretch!
Favorite lyric: "'Go and let it out."
"Starlight" and "Madness" by Muse
I couldn't just pick one song by Muse, so I'm mentioning them both. "Starlight" is a very cool song that's simply about loving someone. "Madness" is also about love, but a crazy type of love in which two individuals appear to go through some crazy sh*t, but all their madness is worth it. This song reminded me of a current situation with one of my friends and their partner, so I had to add it.
Favorite "Starlight" lyric: "Our hopes and expectations; Black holes and revelations."
Favorite "Madness" lyric: "And I have finally realized; I NEED TO LOOOOOOOOVEEEE."
Absolute love for the vocals in both these songs, also.
"El Scorcho" by Weezer
This is one of those funny-cute songs by Weezer, and I wouldn't expect anything less. It resonates with me because it seems like a song about an awkward crush. The guy is kind of afraid of talking to this girl, even though he knows she'll probably like him anyway because they are both alike.
Favorite lyric: "I asked you to go to the Green Day concert; You said you never heard of them; How cool is that?!"
"Thank You" by Dido
I like this song because after singing about having a craptastic day, Dido sings about getting a phone call from her lover, and all her problems instantly disappear. Why can't I find a guy who has that effect on me?!
Favorite lyric: "Just to be with you is having the best day of my life."
"Closer" by Tegan and Sara
This song is also new (I listen to the radio a lot). Even though Tegan and Sara have been around for a while, they still managed to release a fresh new album, and their sound is fantastic. It's poppy, but not too sugary or electro-heavy. It still has that alternative vibe, which I like. This song is about having a physical attraction toward a person, but recognizing that there's more in the relationship than just the naughty bits.
Favorite lyric: "I won't treat you like you're oh so typical."
"Echoes" by Pink Floyd
If it weren't for my weird/awkward/what-the-hell-was-that relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I would have never started listening to Pink Floyd on my own. I ended up coming across this song one day, and I found that I liked the sound of it. However, since it is a 25 minute song, it could only hold my attention for so long. So I usually only listen to the first 6 minutes...
Favorite lyric: "Strangers passing in the street by chance two separate glances meet; And I am you and what I see is me."
This song apparently has the same chord progression as Andrew Llyod Webber's "Phantom of the Opera", so that's a nice plus...I guess.
"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane
This one would also be on the list of songs that make me cry on command. There are these few piano chords that are in the middle and very end of the song that strike the "eject tears" button on my heart. It's a well performed and well written song about relying on that special someone and going to a place (either physical or metaphorical) that only you and your significant other understand and know of.
Favorite lyric: "Oh simple thing where have you gone?; I'm getting old and I need something to rely on."
"Everlong" by Foo Fighters
The acoustic version of this song will play during the first dance of my groom and I at our wedding. This is a non-negotiable order. I truly love this song and I really don't think I will ever stop loving it.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Little Notes: "You're Fired."
Pope Benedict XVI (I think my Roman numerals are correct) has announced that he will be resigning from the papacy on Feburary 28th of this year.
The pope, as Catholics know, is like the closest person to God and acts as a God-like figure. All decisions made by the Pope are guided by the man upstairs...
So... if the Pope resigned, that means that it was God's decision to have him give up, basically meaning that God didn't think he was doing so hot as a pope.
Essentially, God fired the Pope...
I know these things. I'm Catholic!
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