An Open Letter to the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch

Dear Mr. Jeffries,

I recently heard that you'd prefer it if "fat" girls not shop at your store.  It seems that you believe skinny-bitches (and yes, anyone wearing a size 10 or less is a skinny-bitch) are the Cool of society, and you'd prefer them shopping at your store; not the Fats.  You want the popular kids in your store because they embody beauty and the "American Dream"-something that the Fats can never achieve.  They will never belong with the Cool (or at least never in your store).

I get you Jeffries.  I get you.  You want to target a certain demographic, and that particular demographic you chose is the Cool.  You don't want you or your company associated with the unpopular kids of America.

This face is too sexy for your cellulite.

Of course everyone wants the cool kids to shop at their store.  Everyone knows the cool kids are always rich, so they will buy tons of useless clothing.  Their parents can also probably afford to shop at Whole Foods every week, which is probably why they are so thin.  Those Fats just wish they could eat organic-whole-grain-gluten-free-soy-potato chips.  Your target demographic of cool-skinny bitches is not a big deal.  Lots of other stores exclude bigger customers, like that store from Mean Girls.  They only sold sizes 1, 3, and 5, and they seemed to be doing just fine.

"You could try Sears...cow."

Mr. Jeffries, I know you want to have a successful company, and I get you want to target a certain group-the Cool.  Good for you Mr. Jeffries.  However, I see a little problem with your plan.  It seems as though you've got it all wrong.  Turns out that skinny does not equal cool; at least not in 2013.

You see, many people are pretty upset about your ideals, and I'm sure it's not because they think you're an asshole, or anything.  You seem like a very nice man to me.

And so dashing!

Apparently, people are upset with you because they don't agree with your notions of cool or beauty.  Amazingly, others don't agree that beauty = skinny-bitches.  Normally, I would say that these people are crazy and probably just jealous of your skinny-bitch store and your beautiful face.

Haterz gon' hate!

However, after examining evidence from around our culture it is becoming clear that these seemingly insane people are correct.

Sure Gwyneth Paltrow has been named the most beautiful woman by People magazine, and yes she is a beautiful skinny-bitch (homegirl is rich too!), but she's old as hell... Like 40-something. When did that age become beautiful or cool?  But, old ladies aren't the only ones who are part of the Cool nowadays (Helen Mirren and Betty White are also highly regarded).  As it turns out, members of the Fat are slipping in with the Cool crowd.  A few weeks ago, I found out that actress, Lena Dunham, was on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.  People love the shit out of her and her show, Girls, but there is no way she is a skinny-bitch (c'mon, we've all seen her naked).  In addition, everyone loves Adele.  She is stylish and even considered to be very pretty, even though I'm pretty sure she's not a size 10.  And then there's Rebel Wilson.  There is absolutely no way that this chick wasn't in the in-crowd because she is way too fucking awesome and hilarious.  Same thing goes for Melissa McCarthy. She is a winner at life.  Do I even need to mention Queen Latifah?  Have you ever heard anyone say that they hate Queen Latifah?  Probably not, because if they did, she probably beat them to death and hid the body.

I love her and I'm also terrified of pissing her off.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here, Mike (can I call you Mike?  I feel we're on a first-name basis at this point), is that not all Cools are skinny-bitches.  It's a phenomenon which I can only explain by guessing that it all comes down to character, and not appearance.  I knew a bunch of skinny-bitches who I'm sure made many shopping trips to A&F together.  The thing is that nobody liked them, so they weren't cool or desirable in reality.

What?  You three again?!

I don't know what they thought their money could buy them, but those A&F clothes certainly didn't win them respect from peers, because no one thought they were part of the Cool.  Basically, their attitudes sucked.  On the other hand, I've known many Fats..."fats"...who were just wonderful to be around.  They were kind, personable, and (gasp!) COOL.  Many of them were also quite gorgeous (I'm looking at you, Seth Rogan *wink*).  Now, I'm not saying that all skinny-bitches suck (Zooey Deschanel is a very lovely skinny-bitch) and that all the Fats are nice people (Abby Lee Miller is the worst).  I'm saying that you cannot just determine a group of people's coolness, hipness, personality, or desirability solely on how they appear on the outside.  I know that requires a lot more thought for you and your company (selling clothes is harrrrd), but it's something that you really need to take into consideration, because I think people are starting to lean towards ignoring your store altogether.  As I stated previously, its completely fine to target a certain demographic, but your current understanding of the target demographic has evolved.  Do some research to find out about the Cool, Jeffries-san.

Or make your target gay males.  I mean...your ads were going in that direction anyway, so...

  

Thanks for listening!

Sincerely,

Liz

Georgia: ANOTHER 3rd Cousin State

Georgia high school planning its first ever racially integrated prom

Remember Mississippi?  Yeah.  Georgia can go right along with it.  If not the whole state, then at least this po-dunk school where their dances have been racially divided (up until now).  More surprising, people are actually in opposition to an integrated prom.  Jesus, folks!  Get your asses out of the 20th century!  Get with the times, people!

Bitches...

Oz: The Great and Powerful...Basically

Douchebag Franco says, "GTFO if you hate spoilers, kid".

 

 

The movie begins somewhere in Kansas during a time where PETA wasn't around to rag on circuses for using animal performers.  Kansas seems like a pretty awful place to live - the population is like 15, the screen size is too narrow, it's constantly in sepia tone, and giant tornadoes spontaneously appear out of nowhere.  Also, the most likable character at this point is the tornado...

Our main character is Oz, played by James Franco, who is a greasier con man than the Sham-Wow guy (and that's pretty hard to top).  He's a show magician, but people in his audience get upset because they find out he's a phony because he can't make a girl in wheelchair walk.  Another reason Kansas sucks:  If you can do mirror tricks, the people will believe you are Jesus.  So Oz is run out of town because he's been romancing with another man's wife (but he never sleeps with any of the ladies he meets, because this is Disney).  He hops on a hot air balloon, and gets sucked up by a very polite tornado that allows his sorry ass to live (also, Michelle Williams shows up to tell him he's a good man or some shit like that).

The holy tornado transports him to the land of Oz, which is the best place ever because it's in wide screen AND there's lots of color!  Mila Kunis shows up to explain why Mr. Oz shares a name with the land, and it's because of a prophecy stating that a great wizard named Oz would come to defeat the Wicked Witch and claim the throne.  Kunis also instantly falls in love with Franco because she is a female character.  Franco knows very well that he is no great wizard, but goes along with the charade because he's sleazy and he wants to live like a Kardashian.  Along the way they meet Zach Braff who is also a flying monkey and is so far the best character.  He knows that Franco is not the great wizard, but helps him along anyway because everyone worships James Franco.

Me: "Why?"
Writers: "Because the people of Oz are frickin' stupid."

Mila Kunis (skipping the whole damn time) leads Franco and Braff-monkey to the Emerald City which will be his new kingdom.  Another witch, played by Rachel Weiss, then tells him that he cannot claim the throne until he defeats the wicked witch, which is totally not her, but really it is (spoilers?).  So, he goes to do that, but not before hitting on Weiss, too (Because she is also a female).  While Franco is out of the room, Weiss and Kunis start talking about Franco and the kingdom in a totally non-suspicious way.

On the way to somewhere-place to defeat the wicked witch, Franco and Braff-monkey, come across a little city made of porcelain (or china?) that has been destroyed.  Inside one of the little houses, they find a little girl made of china, whose legs are broken.  Franco fixes her legs with super glue (this completely makes up for him not being able to cure that girl in the wheelchair).  After he does that, China Girl (no really, that's her name) begs Franco to let her go with him on his two minute journey to find the wicked witch.  He is reluctant, but eventually lets her come along (which is probably a benefit to him, since she is the heir of Ra's Al Ghul).  When they finally get to the somewhere-place to defeat the wicked witch, they find out that she is really the good witch, Glinda, because she is wearing all white and is played by Michelle Williams.  She tells the trio that Rachel Weiss is really the wicked one.  The audience is shocked.

At the same time, Rachel Weiss is watching this whole thing happen through her crystal ball.  After seeing James Franco and Michelle Williams hitting it off, Mila Kunis becomes filled with rage, and starts crying acid tears for reasons I can't explain.  Weiss then turns Kunis into the iconic, green Wicked Witch of the West, because...she sucks.  Now Kunis attributes all her rage and wickedness to Franco for "cheating" on her (because that's all women ever get upset about).

"Entertainment Weekly totally didn't spoil this reveal for me at all!" -- sarcastic EW reader

Rachel Weiss sends an army out to attack Franco, China Girl, Williams, and Braff-monkey, but they escape by flying away in bubbles.  Also, Williams has figured out that Franco is not a great wizard, but she believes he can still help to defeat the evil witches and take back the city (by the way, this throne technically belongs to her because it was previously her father's, but she wants Franco to have it because...she has a Y chromosome).  The group eventually ends up in a city where the people are super nice and no one ever hurts anyone.  Cool.  So, they turn these people into soldiers anyway.  They have to devise a plan to take out the wicked witches and reclaim Emerald City without killing absolutely NO ONE.

"Good luck." -- guy who will inevitably be killed by Liam Neeson in Taken.

Oh, and Kunis shows up to be all threatening with her new green/CGI face (Oscar!).

When battle time comes, some really cool strategies are put into play, and when it looks like the good side might actually win, everyone discovers that James Franco is leaving.

"But no!  He was so trustworthy and totally not a shady character at all!" -- children under 4.

Kunis blows up the hot air balloon that Franco is trying to escape in, so now he is a doucebag AND dead.  All the good people become very sad, but then a giant Franco hologram head appears out of the smoke and everyone is instantly intimidated.  Obviously, its all just an elaborate trick by Franco and his friends, but the people of Oz don't know that (remember; idiots, folks).  Apparently this is the scariest thing these people have seen, you know, besides the whole getting attacked by flying monkeys every week thing, because everyone freaking believes that Franco died and became resurrected as a giant, fire-breathing, floating head.  Anyway, this scares the wicked witches and they fly off to somewhere.  At some point after that, Rachel Weiss and Michelle Williams have a magic duel.  Weiss looses and it is revealed she was secretly an ugly hag all along.

"There can only be one pretty bitch in Oz!" -- Glinda

The movie ends with the hoaxy "Wizard of Oz" now being established, and Williams and Franco making out.  End.

"At least it was better than Spiderman 3" -- Sam Raimi


Little notes:

• Mila Kunis was such a non-person in this film.  Her neutral personality was not doing it for me.  It just made her boring.  Even when she turned "green", Rachel Weiss still seemed more powerful than her.
• Kunis's character cries "tears of fire", or whatever.  Cool, but I didn't get the significance of it all.  Is it because water eventually makes her melt?  If so, that's dumb because she found Franco in a pond.  What the hell was she doing around ponds if she knew they would kill her?  Stupid.
• There's not much to James Franco's character except that he's a con-artist and a bit of a womanizer.  He did have some funny moments though.
• Feminist note:  There's not much going on for the ladies in this movie.  For a movie which has women as more than half of the leads, they were slightly downplayed.  Glinda, who's father was the original king of Oz, should have just stepped up to claim her throne.  Screw prophecy!  Kunis literally SKIPS for half of her screen time, and thinks of nothing more than being Franco's queen.  Weiss is a little stronger, but I feel like she had a lot more potential that was never displayed.
• The best characters weren't even live actors.  Joey King as China Girl and Zach Braff as a flying monkey.  A flying monkey...
• Even though this movie comes of as a "C" in my book, I think director, Sam Raimi, did a pretty good job.  I appreciate his style, and you can really tell he made his mark on this film (and not just by adding Bruce Campbell on it).
• Why did they have to make Rachel Weiss ugly at the end?  It has no significance.  By the time Dorothy shows up, she's crushed by a house, so we never saw her face.
• So I guess we're just ignoring the whole canon from Wicked, huh? (I'm joking of course.)
• Michelle Williams is super cute.  I fucking hate her.
• James Franco is not.

I Gave Up Fast-Food for Lent? Oh...

I'm Catholic.  This means every once in a while I do crazy things like speak Latin or walk around with a cross drawn from ashes on my forehead.  Because Lent was last month, I did both of those things, but I also gave up fast-food restaurants. Now that Lent is over, do I feel free knowing that I can eat all the fast food I want from now on?

Meh...

I initially decided to give up fast-food simply because I thought I was eating too much of it.  I would go out to McDonald's, Wendy's, or some other deliciously evil establishment for lunch almost every day.  Obviously, I was starting to feel fat and since Lent was coming up, I figured I would just use that as an excuse to back off from the bad stuff for a while.  By doing this, I figured that by the end of the season, I would desire fast-food less because I had gone so long without it.  Also, Lent is pretty much "diet season" for Catholics, so hey.

All in all, I can honestly say, it wasn't all that bad.  I seriously don't even feel like I gave up much of anything...
Okay...  So there were like two days where I went to Steak and Shake (figuring it didn't count because it's also a sit-down restaurant), and I also had Portillo's...beef...on a Friday.  Basically I suck at commitment...and Catholicism.  For the most part, I did give up the paper-wrapped hamburgers and greasy fries. 

What I did end up staying completely away from is those sugary "coffee" drinks from Starbucks and Caribou Coffee (and yes, I consider those places "fast-food establishments").  On Easter afternoon, I could finally go to Caribou to get my beloved Vanilla White Mocha.  As I pulled away from the drive-thru and took the first sip of creamy goodness that I've had in weeks, did I feel euphoria?

Meh...

I did feel slight excitement going into the driveway, but I did not devour my drink within minutes.  Let's put it this way - I started my drink at 2 pm.  I finished it the next morning by pouring it into a fresh pot of coffee I had just made myself.  As it turned out, the sugary goodness I constantly drank every week had lost favor on my taste buds (probably for the better).  I'm finding that I'm starting to prefer coffee that tastes more like, well, coffee.  Those drinks are nice every once and a while, but I figure I can live with a small (maybe even a "kid's size"). 

So did my Lent fasting get me where I wanted to be?  I'm not sure.  I really don't know what I learned from this experience (or lack of experience).  I feel that the rituals of Lent should make you think about some aspect of your life in a different way, or it should make you see the world differently.  For instance, giving up television for 40 days might cause a person to step back and pay attention to other things that were previously overshadowed by the distractions of the media.

Like last year, my Lenten journey feels slightly unaccomplished.  Why do I always "give up" these things that are relatively easy?  I was able to say "no more fast-food" because I knew I didn't necessarily need to eat it all the time.  I thought about giving up coffee.  I just about had a heart attack at the thought.  In my mind, I "need" coffee.  If I don't have it in the morning, I honestly believe I will fall asleep while driving to work (the crash will happen precisely at the intersection of Naperville and Diehl - it's mapped out in my head!).  Obviously, I won't die without caffeine, I once went without it for 7 days (it was supposed to be 14, but you know me).  Perhaps one day I'll try it because that's the point of Lent - giving up something that you think you can't, only to find that it wasn't really that important all along.

(Okay, maybe that's not the whole point for Lent, but that's a nice secular thought!)

((I love the parentheses today.  Clearly!))

Tina Fey Says "No" to Next Year's Oscars. The World Cries.

"But, but...Seth promised!!!", were my thoughts as I read this article. 

On Sunday night's Academy Awards (or Oscars for the newfound lazy) host, Seth McFarlene, made a reference that Amy Pohler and Tina Fey would be hosting next year's show.  This was great, and highly anticipated considering the amazing job both comediennes did while hosting this years Golden Globes.  It seemed like there was no doubt the duo would make an appearance next year, but according to The Huffington Post, Tina Fey has turned down the offer.  She said it would be "too hard", especially for a woman who would probably have to "spend months trying on dresses" alone.

Although, I was a bit upset to hear that one of my favorite comedy writers would not host the biggest awards event of the year, I can't blame her for backing out.  Those urchins at the E! network would probably tear her apart over stupid shit like her dress and hair (men have it so easy: tux and hair = done).  While everyone loved the Globes and Fey and Pohler were excellent and hilarious hosts, the event seemed more relaxed and friendly than the Oscars.  The Oscars is a huge event and I can imagine the pressure of not wanting to screw it up.  No matter what, there will always be a critic.  Personally, I think Tina Fey could pull it off, along with her BFF Amy.  Heck, at least we all know they would be better than that Anne Hathaway/James Franco thing (seriously, freaking James Franco?), but it's her choice.  No need to put yourself through unnecessary stress just for publicity and face time.

I guess Billy Crystal will do...

What We Really Want from the PS4

Last week, Sony announced the the new PlayStation 4...  Correction: Last week, Sony showed us what the controller for the new PS4 would look like. 

It has a touch pad because 21ST CENTURY!

Beyond that, they talked a lot about other specs the new console would have and even showed off a few new upcoming games.  This was all nice and cute, but here's what we really want to see by the end of the year:

Backwards compatibility:
Even the PlayStation 2 had backwards compatibility (meaning you could play old-ass first generation games like Parappa the Rapper).  When the PS3 came out, you couldn't even play most of your old PS2 games.  Sure, you can pull out your old consoles, re-hook them up to your TV and play old games, but why the hell would anyone want to do that?  That takes work.  Besides, isn't being non-compatible with older games kind of pretentious? 
"What, PS4?  You think you're better than me?" --voice of old PS games, presumably in a Brooklyn accent.

Please just include two controllers in the box:
The one thing I hate about getting a new gaming console is that as soon as you have spent your entire paycheck on the system, you know you have to go out and spend another half of your check.  I can deal with buying games.  That's just a part of the life of being a gamer (hell, you don't even have to buy games now that rental stores and friends are a thing).  What upsets me is the fact that only one controller comes with the console, so you better treasure it, because if you're poor you won't be getting another one for at least five years (Note: Real Sony PS3 controllers cost almost $45 each.  Cheaper, non-Sony ones you can get overseas for around $15).
Think about it:  When do people most often receive new gaming consoles?  Around their birthdays or the December holiday's right?  Chances are that your friends and/or family are around to watch your excitement as you unwrap your new gift.  Within the next 30 minutes or so, you'll probably want to play with your new system...but there's only one controller.  Of course it's your new toy so you have to be the first one to play it, so now what?  Everyone sits around watching you die over and over again in Uncharted.  Now I understand that adding a second controller already in the box would raise the overall price, and that a lot of people play primarily single-player games.  However, adding a second controller makes sense for consoles like the Nintendo Wii (entertaining at a house party near you!), and since Sony made the announcement that the PS4 will be more "social", you'd think they would want to have two controllers in the box.
"Yeah, social...  Like online gaming and creeping on other users' profiles." --voice of the Sony dude.

An app for ordering pizza:
Game night.  Everyones' drunk.  We're playing Katamari Damacy.  We can't find the phone.  We're hungry.  But we can't cook. 
Dear Sony; kindly replace that "share" button with a "bring meh pizzah NOW!" button.  You see, it's simple-- while configuring your PlayStation, there will be an option for quick pizza delivery from your vendor of choice (Sony will have to set up some kind of partnership with these companies, but that's another story).  You would choose your default type of pizza to order, enter your address and credit information, and then every time you press that "bmpN!" button, it will delivered to you.
"No refunds if you accidentally press the button while intoxicated" --voice of fine print in instruction manual.

A webcam:
Every other electronic ever has a built in camera, so why the hell not?  Hey, it spares them the embarrassment of coming out with a new gadget possibly titled, "PlayStation M4ve", or some stupid crap like that...
"Social!" --voice of the Sony dude, again.

A promise to never make a "slim" version of this console:
We never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER want to see a PS4 Slim.  Ever.
"...ever!"  --voice of me.

Mississippi: The 3rd Cousin State

Mississippi officially ratifies amendment abolishing slavery — finally

We should really cut ties with Mississippi...
They're like that 3rd cousin who's been in and out of prison and rehab for a couple of years now, but swears he's "gonna get right soon" like every week.  And we keep having to apologizing to other countries for Miss's behavior.  Like-- "I know this is what you see frequently, but really, we're not all like Mississippi..."

Awesome Picture of the Week: "I got bored one day"

This picture of my iPhone is awesome simply because I drew it.  On MS Paint.  With a mouse.  At work.

Boss.

 

 

Mind you it was during the first couple of weeks of my new job, and I had a lot of free time back then..  a lot of free time.

 

My Quarter-life Crisis (more or less)

There are a few things I could currently be doing with my life right now, and I have no idea which direction to go...

1. Stay at my current company, become fluent in Japanese, and work my way up to top management (eventually becoming the president of Mitsubishi).
2. Earn my Masters in psychology and work somewhere doing something.
3. Earn my Masters/PsyD in forensic psychology, so I can be like that guy on Law and Order: SVU.
4. Earn my Masters/PsyD in industrial/organizational psychology, so I can be like that guy on Bones.
5. Earn my PhD in psychology, so I can become a professor and teach a classroom of 18 year-olds who only take my class because I'm so pretty...
6. Become a Chicago Luvabull and sacrifice all respectable dance training.
7. Audition for Cirque du Soleil as a dancer and realize I won't make it because there are 9 year-olds who dance better than me...
8. Become a freelance writer, working on my non-profit blog; simultaneously work on getting my book published.
9. Aspire to become a writer for SNL, eventually leading me to start working on my hit new show on NBC.
10. Be a lead singer for a non-specific alternative rock band.
11. Play video games for the rest of my life, never leaving my room.  I wouldn't even buy the new PS4 because I can't couldn't afford it.
12. Marry a surgeon.  Preferably a Jewish one.

15 Most Romantic Songs for Anyone

It's Valentine's Day, lovers!  Well, at least it was like an hour ago...

Anyway, I don't have a Valentine...

Let's face it - 90% of the songs we hear today are about love (if not love, then sex).  It can become quite annoying to hear especially if you're listening to a pop radio station.  However, there are some songs out there that I have to admit are well written.  Not only are the lyrics good, but the actual music doesn't make you want to rip your eardrums out (don't think about how that could be physically possible).  Here's a list I tossed together (emphasis on "tossed") featuring some of the best romantic songs to listen to, even if you're not a hopeless romantic.

My apologies for not including links or embedding YouTube clips.  I am a lazy bastard tonight.


"Sweater Weather" by The Neighborhood
This song is fairly new, and that is part of the reason why it is at the top of this list.  Regardless, it is still a very catchy and cool song.  I love the hook and the tempo change near the end.  When I hear this song, I just think about two people who are happy just to stand next to each other with their hands in each others' sweaters...or something like that.
Favorite lyric: "She know knows what I think about; And what I think about; One love, two mouths; One love, one house; No shirt, no blouse; Just us, you find out; Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about no."

"I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons
This song is pretty popular.  Mumford and Sons album, Babel just won a Grammy, and this song is on that album.  It's not that complicated of a song, it's about waiting for the one you love.
Favorite lyric: "So I'll be bold as well as strong; And use my head alongside my heart."

"My Heart Will Go On" and "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion
It's the freaking song from Titanic, one of the most classic love stories of all time!
Favorite lyric: "Youuuuur heeeeeeerrreeee; There's NOTHING I feeeaaar; And I know that my heart will go ooooooon."

"My Girl" by The Temptations
I just finished watching the movie My Girl, and after wiping the tears out of my eyes said to myself, "Yes.  This song is gold."  It's about admiring that special girl who makes you feel great even during the worst times.  It's a really sweet song, and I dare anyone to disapprove of it.
Favorite lyric: "I guess you say; 'What can make me feel this way?'; My girl (my girl, my girl!)."

Most songs by The Beatles
The Beatles are so known for writing love songs that they have an entire Cirque du Soleil show based on their songs and titled, Love.  There are too many songs by them to list, but I will say that some of my absolute favorites are "I Want You (She's So Heavy)", "Something", "Please Please Me", and "Don't Let Me Down".  That last one is a song that could literally make me cry because I think the lyrics are so simple, yet honest.

"Mario Kart Love Song" by Sam Hart
This guy on YouTube made a love song based on the concept of Mario Kart...and it's pretty awesome that he did that.  I love him for it.
Favorite lyric: "Walawalawalawalwalugi...."

"Ho Hey" by The Lumineers
This song is also pretty popular, also because of the band's recent Grammy nomination for Best New Artist. It's a simple and short song, but it is one of those honest songs about two people belonging together.  Despite the fact that I consider this a "mainstream hipster" song (I'll explain later, I promise), I do find this song interesting.
Favorite lyric: "Ho Hey" (obvious enough)

"Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon
You probably don't realize it because this song has been used in many sports promos, but this is a love song.
Okay, it's not really actually a love song, but it could be interpreted that way.  He could be singing about how he could use a great person to improve his life, or how he hopes this great person will notice him.  Hey, it's not much of a stretch!
Favorite lyric: "'Go and let it out."

"Starlight" and "Madness" by Muse
I couldn't just pick one song by Muse, so I'm mentioning them both.  "Starlight" is a very cool song that's simply about loving someone.  "Madness" is also about love, but a crazy type of love in which two individuals appear to go through some crazy sh*t, but all their madness is worth it.  This song reminded me of a current situation with one of my friends and their partner, so I had to add it.
Favorite "Starlight" lyric: "Our hopes and expectations; Black holes and revelations."
Favorite "Madness" lyric: "And I have finally realized; I NEED TO LOOOOOOOOVEEEE."
Absolute love for the vocals in both these songs, also.

"El Scorcho" by Weezer
This is one of those funny-cute songs by Weezer, and I wouldn't expect anything less.  It resonates with me because it seems like a song about an awkward crush.  The guy is kind of afraid of talking to this girl, even though he knows she'll probably like him anyway because they are both alike.
Favorite lyric: "I asked you to go to the Green Day concert; You said you never heard of them; How cool is that?!"

"Thank You" by Dido
I like this song because after singing about having a craptastic day, Dido sings about getting a phone call from her lover, and all her problems instantly disappear.  Why can't I find a guy who has that effect on me?!
Favorite lyric: "Just to be with you is having the best day of my life."

"Closer" by Tegan and Sara
This song is also new (I listen to the radio a lot).  Even though Tegan and Sara have been around for a while, they still managed to release a fresh new album, and their sound is fantastic.  It's poppy, but not too sugary or electro-heavy.  It still has that alternative vibe, which I like.  This song is about having a physical attraction toward a person, but recognizing that there's more in the relationship than just the naughty bits.
Favorite lyric: "I won't treat you like you're oh so typical."

"Echoes" by Pink Floyd
If it weren't for my weird/awkward/what-the-hell-was-that relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I would have never started listening to Pink Floyd on my own.  I ended up coming across this song one day, and I found that I liked the sound of it.  However, since it is a 25 minute song, it could only hold my attention for so long.  So I usually only listen to the first 6 minutes...
Favorite lyric: "Strangers passing in the street by chance two separate glances meet; And I am you and what I see is me."
This song apparently has the same chord progression as Andrew Llyod Webber's "Phantom of the Opera", so that's a nice plus...I guess.

"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane
This one would also be on the list of songs that make me cry on command.  There are these few piano chords that are in the middle and very end of the song that strike the "eject tears" button on my heart.  It's a well performed and well written song about relying on that special someone and going to a place (either physical or metaphorical) that only you and your significant other understand and know of.
Favorite lyric: "Oh simple thing where have you gone?; I'm getting old and I need something to rely on."

"Everlong" by Foo Fighters
The acoustic version of this song will play during the first dance of my groom and I at our wedding.  This is a non-negotiable order.  I truly love this song and I really don't think I will ever stop loving it.

Little Notes: "You're Fired."

Pope Benedict XVI (I think my Roman numerals are correct) has announced that he will be resigning from the papacy on Feburary 28th of this year.

The pope, as Catholics know, is like the closest person to God and acts as a God-like figure.  All decisions made by the Pope are guided by the man upstairs...

So... if the Pope resigned, that means that it was God's decision to have him give up, basically meaning that God didn't think he was doing so hot as a pope.

Essentially, God fired the Pope...

I know these things.  I'm Catholic!

Les Miserables...Basically

The movie begins around 1800-something-something in France during the Revolution.  Cool.  So we're going to see some popular and well-known French actors like Marion Cotillard and Gerard Depardieu, right?

*Spoilers:  There are no French people in the movie about FRANCE.*

Russell Crowe is overseeing a bunch of prisoners who are pulling an overturned ship out of the water, because he gets amusement out of watching them.  The prisoners complain in song.  Russell Crowe then commands Hugh Jackman (who at this point looks like he belongs in Apocalypto) to carry a giant beam by himself.  Pay attention to this because it comes up later.  Once.

Hugh Jackman is later released from prison, but he is given papers that identify him as a convict wherever he goes.  It's kind of like how today we require sex offenders to be identified, but the dude only stole a loaf of bread (well, I guess in Revolutionary France poor people get touchy about their food).  Jackman is reasonably upset about people constantly slamming doors in his face.  He complains about it in song.  Finally a very nice bishop welcomes him to say in the church full of expensive old things even though he is a known kleptomaniac.  This can only go well!

Surprisingly, Jackman tries to make off with all of the bishop's silver, but is later arrested and dragged back to the church by police like a teenager who has been caught sneaking into movies after curfew.  The bishop is all like "naw, man.  I totally gave this guy some free stuff.  In fact, I gave him all my stuff.  Because I'm God-like and all."  The cops let Jackman go, and the bishop is all like, "you owe me (God).  Now go be a superhero."  Jackman runs off to go complain in song about how he basically has no other choice but to be a good man and do good things with the wealth the bishop gave him.  He decides to cut ties with his former criminal alter ego, Jean Claude Van Damme, and become the only guy in France who gives a shit.  Apparently.

Fast-forward a few years later, and we find Anne Hathaway working in a factory.  She gets fired because she sends money to some innkeepers who are taking care of her daughter for her, and this is bad for business because, the writers said so.  Also, Jackman (who has now become the new mayor, because that's where five silver candlesticks gets you in Revolutionary France), totally doesn't help Hathaway (remember this for later.  I guess).  Meanwhile, Russell Crowe shows up again and he recognizes Jackman because he lifted a heavy cart off a person, while no one else helped.  He didn't recognize him because of obvious things like, you know, his face which hasn't changed in years.  No, he recognized his strength...  Okay.  Anyway, this causes Crowe to go into full Tommy Lee Jones in Fugitive mode.  AKA; dude needs a hobby.

Fast-forward a couple months later (I think) and now Anne Hathaway is reduced to crippling poverty.  She has to sell her teeth, her hair, and her body.  I feel really bad for her and the rest of the prostitutes, mostly because I know it's either really itchy or really burning for them down you know where.  Hathaway sings a song complaining about how she thought her life would be more than just a four minute close-up of misery.  The audience is reduced to sobbing, but not because of her song.  It's because the best actress in the movie was on screen for less than fifteen minutes and then dies.  But before dying, Jackman comes out of literally nowhere and feeling bad about not helping her earlier, promises to find Hathaway's daughter, Cosette, and bring her back to her mo- ..erm..give her a nice life.  He does that, but not before having a mental breakdown, telling everyone he is Jean Claude Van Damme, launching Crowe into bounty hunter mode, and engaging in a stupid chase scene with him.  Jackman gets away because we still have 2 hours left.  When Jackman eventually finds little Cosette, he discovers she is being poorly treated by the cast of Sweeny Todd.  He swiftly gets her out of there, but of course not without a stupid chase scene with Crowe.  The two eventually escape to somewhere-land where they live secretly in a castle while the rest of France starves to death.

Fast-forward 10 years later (because this movie loves fast-forwarding), and we see France is in class-warfare, with the poor coming down hard on the rich.  A boy with a heavy Cockney accent (did I mention they're in FRANCE?) and a bunch of other teenagers complain in song about a rich guy.  I have no idea what's going on, so I assume all the poor young people are organizing some kind of "Occupy France" movement.  Sounds about right (I don't remember my lessons on the French Revolution).  However, one of the teen Occupiers is related to some old rich man, so it's kind of like he's betraying his own kind...  But why?

*Spoilers: No one really knows why.*

The rich/not rich Occupier, named Marius, has a friend named Eponine (who is the daughter of those shady Sweeny Todd characters from earlier, but it really doesn't make a difference).  Eponine is in love with Marius, but she doesn't let him know this because, it's the will of the writers.  Marius wouldn't notice her advances anyway because he falls in love with the now older Cosette after only seeing her for 30 seconds.  Les Miserables has now turned into a Disney movie.  Jackman gets discovered somehow and he and Cosette now have to move away.  Also, Marius and the other Occupiers sing about some master plan they have and the colors, red and black (Me: "I thought the colors on the French flag were red, white, and blue...").  They are possibly also complaining, but I couldn't really tell.  Also, also, Eponine sings a song about her unrequited love for Marius.  Also, also, also, everyone in the movie sings "One Day More" (my favorite).  Russel Crowe sings the line, "we will nip it in the bud", and hilarity ensues.  This is clearly the song before intermission, because I immediately had the urge to get up for a snack afterwards.

After that, there's a funeral for that old rich man and everyone starts singing and waving flags, interrupting the funeral procession.  Rude.  This starts a riot and now it's the government against the Occupiers.  It's like modern Occupy movements, except a lot more people died (oops, spoilers).  Speaking of the dead, Eponine gets shot and we are really going to miss her.  With her last breath, she gives Marius a letter from Cosette.  He writes back to Cosette, but Jackman gets to the letter first.  He starts singing (and complaining) about how this dude is in love with his "daughter" and starts having typical father-daughter separation anxiety.  Then because he is an apparent superhero, he decides he has to go save Marius from battle so that Marius and Cosette can happily marry (I think that's his plan).  When he gets to the Occupiers' ghetto fort, he creeps on Marius while he is sleeping and sings about him being "the son he never had"...even though they've never spoken.

Somewhere in the mix, Crowe gets captured by the Occupiers and Jackman pretends to kill him, letting him go free.  Crowe is all like "Why are you letting me go?!  You're supposed to be my evil enemy!  You STOLE BREAD, YOU BASTARD!!!"  Jackman doesn't care, and instead fights briefly with Marius and the Occupiers.  Also, that Cockney kid gets shot and dies...  Wow, I know that kid was annoying and all, but really Les Mis?!  Since the kid is dead, that means nobody else gets to live, so the French soldiers shoot the hell out of that ghetto Occupy France fort (it's worth mentioning the fort was made out of chairs and tables.  Fucking chairs and tables).  Remember when I said Jackman briefly fights with the Occupiers?  "Briefly" is an exaggeration, because as soon as Marius goes unconscious, he spends a whole ten minutes dragging his unconscious body the hell out of there.  He's all like "I came here for Marius.  Bonne chance everyone else!"  Of course he can't escape without one last encounter with Russell Crowe.  Crowe almost kills them both, but then doesn't because Jackman spared his life earlier.  Crowe, unable to bear the fact that a despicable bread-stealer just saved his life (and failing to find a healthy hobby), throws himself off a bridge, and we get to see his body crash and everything.  Thanks, screenwriters!

A bit later, Marius wakes up in a nice place.  He then starts singing about his dead friends, and the audience is like "What time is it?  12:30 already?!  We got here at 7:00!."  Cosette then comes in and she starts singing (presumably) about the nice wealthy life she and Marius can have together.  At this point, I really want Marius to say something like "No ma'am!  I spent a whole 30 minutes fighting for the rights of the poor, and I refuse to be a hypocrite who swims in riches!"  However, he doesn't say any of that, and instead marries her, and they both live happily in a mansion.  Remember your dead, poor friends, Marius?  Remember your poor prostitute mother, Cosette?  No?  Okay.

Meanwhile, Jackman realizes that Cosette will never be happy if he keeps having to run away to random places since people keep recognizing that he's Jean Claude Van Damme.  So he just disappears.  Years later, Marius and Cosette find out where Jackman disappeared to, and they all sing a song while he dies.  Anne Hathaway comes back as an angel and sings, too.  Then she leads Jackman to grand finale heaven where all the people in the movie that died (minus Crowe) are singing and not complaining about anything.

Fin.


Serious thoughts:

• I thought it was a decent film, although I would have preferred seeing the stage musical first.
• Anne Hathaway's signature scene was amazing.  The camera did not move away from her face for a whole 4 minutes, yet she was captivating.  Her only flaw is that she made everyone else's solo following hers seem mediocre.
• Despite previous criticisms and Adam Lambert rants, I liked Russell Crowe in this.  He was raw and serious which fit the character well, I think (a guy like Javert probably wouldn't know how to sing anyway).
• A story about France, set in France, and they couldn't get a single French lead?  That's like making a movie about the President of the United States and casting an Irish-oh wait...
• Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean was a great casting choice.  Valjean is this wretched, wants-to-do-good vagabond, and Jackman played a vagabond in 4 X-Men movies!
• I was very impressed by Samantha Bark's (Eponine) performance.  She actually did play Eponine in a DVD-stage-but-let's-sing-in-front-of-microphones version of Les Miserables. 
• I hate being one of those people that complains about the length of movies, but holy crap this movie was so drawn out.  It really was Anne Hathaway's fault, because after her performance, I just got bored listening to anyone sing.
• Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter were brilliant and hilarious.  Even though I felt like I was watching Sweeny Todd at some parts, they did bring flavor to the film.
• Overall, it was a nicely done movie.  I didn't really think it deserved that Golden Globe for "Best Picture", but hey...  I'm not a professional.