Single Life, Whatever! (Spoilers: Liz gets deep)

I'm single, and I need to be right now.  Simply put: my sense of "self" is not the best, so a strange phenomenon happens when I am with someone else.  It's almost as if I give up my being to the other person.  I sacrifice my individuality for the sake of being a romantic partner.  I want so much to have and to be had, that I give up the most important thing: my identity.

Whatever your favorite band is, I will like them, too.  Whatever you like to watch on television, I will also watch it.  The food you like is now my favorite as well.  Want to kiss?  I really don't want to, but you do, so I will.  This is how I work; or at least how I used to work.  I'm like that would-be African Queen of Eddie Murphy in Coming to America.

Right now I'm at a point in my life where I have to do a lot of self-work.  I'm talking a ton of work.  Recently, I've been studying some yoga and reading about the chakra system.  I've realized that all of mine are either closed or extremely weak.  Even if you don't buy into the whole idea of the chakras and the flow of energies in the body, I'm sure that if you analyzed my current life, it will be evident that a switch or two needs to be turned on.  For instance, I have a weak sense of grounding, self-esteem, etc.  This is weird because I didn't always used to feel this way.  Somewhere in my twenties, the paradigm changed, but instead of focusing on "where I went wrong", I instead need to focus on how to get back on track.

Without a firm ground or confidence, I cannot be in a romantic relationship.  You can't love someone else, if you don't love yourself first.  I haven't been loving myself as much as I used to.  It is necessary for me to be secure and healthy before I try to merge into someone else's life.  I want to be completely healthy (mentally and mostly physically) before I jump into a relationship.  I may not even actively try or search for a partner for a long while.  If someone discovers me when I am at my best and sees some kind of spark within me when I get better, that would be great.  However, I'm not going to linger on that thought.  It's okay if I'm single.  I'm just starting to realize that.  It's fine if I'm single because I realize that's where I need to be right now.  Besides, I don't need a boyfriend when I have friends and family who will give me everything I need at this point in my life.

So when I say "I don't want a boyfriend because I'm working on myself right now," it's not a cliché.  I'm dead serious.  Mental and physical health matters so much more to me.