Me and my thoughts at work:
"Yay! It's almost 5:00. In a few minutes I'll be out of this place and on my way to a nice relaxing time at work."
I realize I ran out of coffee and I need to get some from the store to drink the next morning:
"Well, I guess I really don't need the coffee for tomorrow. I can just make some at work.... But I like to have it in the car on the way to work... But that's okay; I can make tea instead... No tea won't be enough caffeine for me... It'll be fine... No it won't... I'll fall asleep driving... No, I won't; I'll just go to bed early... Fat chance... Screw it; I'm going to the store."
On my way to the grocery store:
"Awesome, there's a blizzard right now. Ugh, everyone's driving so slow and I can barely see the road. Maybe, I don't need to go to the store today... No, I'm already out. Plus I'll definitely need it if I'm going to be scraping snow off my car tomorrow morning... I'm literally going to pass my house on my way to the store... Stupid coffee..."
Finding a parking spot:
"It's snowing so much, I swear I just saw a polar bear cross the street. WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE?!"
Inside the store:
"While, I'm here I should probably get the other things on my shopping list... Guess that means I should get a cart... Great, now I have to worry about cart traffic. Fantastic! Old ladies better watch out..."
Turning corners out of aisles:
"Wow, that old lady just almost crashed into me... I hate people... Great now, she's moving so slow in front of me. I'll just look down at my phone and pretend that I'm also going slow... Awesome, this guy just passed us both up like he's the shit... Well, screw you too, man!"
Finding what I need:
"Don't they sell the classic roast anymore?... Seriously? Am I really going to have to ask somebody? Great... Um, sir. Do you have the classic roast coffee? Oh, it's right to the left of me? Oh, okay, got it, thanks... Wow, he probably thought I was so dumb... Oh! Wait, sir! I can't reach the can! Nooo, now he's too far away... Um.. *sigh* I guess French roast is fine..."
Finding the other things:
"Yes, my household will eat all 50 boxes of pasta I just threw in my cart. Everyone stop staring at me like I'm crazy!... This guy has been standing in front of the milk for two minutes. Just pick one already, dude! I could just walk around him and grab my milk... Nah, he'll probably think I'm rude; I'll just wait... Still waiting... Okay, I'll just pretend I'm going to look at the cheeses, then come back later..."
Coming back for the other things:
"The dude is STILL in front of the refrigerator door... It's fine, we don't need milk... Rice milk is fine... Are you kidding me?! Now the old lady from earlier is blocking the rice milk?... What did I do to deserve this?... Oh my God, I almost just ran down a small child with my shopping cart! Parents; watch your damn kids!"
In the alcohol section:
"I'm really going to need some booze after this shopping mission... That worker just looked at me funny; I think she thinks that I'm under 21... I swear I'm over 21 ma'am... Oh, no she's coming over here... Why does she need to see my I.D. now? What? A person can't even look at the alcohol without being carded?... Do you think someone under 21 would dress business casual and go on a full-out grocery shopping journey? There are women's daily vitamins in my shopping cart... You really think I'm underage?... Ugh... She must be bored...or new... What the hell! She didn't card that obvious pack of high school students over there! Nevermind; she must be racist..."
In checkout:
"Should I do self-checkout, or regular checkout?... I have enough items to self-checkout, but just enough to the point where I don't want to bag it all by myself... Meh... I'm buying a pack of tampons; nobody needs to know about that; I'll do self-checkout... Crap! I can't do self-checkout when I have booze! *Grumblegrumble* Fine, I'll do regular checkout...
"No, I do not have a membership... No I do not want one... Yes I found everything I was looking for today... Although, I couldn't get to the 1% milk, because a guy was..erm, and still is..standing in front of all the milk; you guys should probably check that...make sure he's okay... No, no, you don't have to get your manager; I was just sayin'... Yes this bottle of wine is all for me; don't judge... My total is $56.49?... *sigh*, I guess I'll just buy those shoes next month..."
Leaving the store parking lot:
"This guy is just sitting in his car behind me, not moving; Hey buddy! I gotta back out of this spot... Oh, he wants my parking space so he's waiting... You're in the way though, dude, I can't back out with you in my way!... Wha-... Now why is he pulling forward?... No, get out, of my way; don't come closer... He's still pulling forward... Alright, if it's a fender-bender he's asking for..."
Trying to make a left turn out of the parking lot during rush hour:
"I cant even..."
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